one foot in front of the other

01 Jun, 2025

Hi friends :)

After ten weeks of consistently running, I’ve officially run my first 5k race (!!) I had signed up for it as a way to maintain motivation and to have something big to look forward to. I had always loved watching the runners on race weekend every year, so I finally decided to be a part of the action. The races here are always a very lovely gathering of runners from all over the place, coming together to shatter their personal bests and run in the most beautiful part of town, on one of the most beautiful weekends of the year. I had a wonderful time. I’ve been spending a lot of time over these weeks thinking about running so I figured it was time to write a bit about it.

I never really used to understand what made runners just decide one day that they were going to put on their shoes and go run. In my conversations with runners over the last while, I’ve been told that it happened from “boredom”, from “a lack of faith in God”, and from general existential crises. For me, it wasn’t quite so dramatic. While I was out in B.C. a few months ago, I walked over the Lions Gate bridge and into Stanley Park and then down the seawall for hours. I think something came together in my head then - how much more of a new place could I see if I was capable of running through it? How much more beauty could I find? What was I missing out on by just walking everywhere? So thus began this testing of my body. The madwoman’s dash, every other day of the week. One foot in front of the other. I simply want to find out how far and how fast I can go. This pure curiosity paired with a desire for more is somehow enough to get me out of bed early in the morning and off on the road. So, when people ask me why I decided to start running, I’ve just started saying “greed.”

It wasn’t so long ago that running a 5k felt like an impossible dream. As a kid, I learned to like running. There were no other kids in my grade at my school who wanted to run the 1800m race, so I reveled in running the course alone on track and field day, getting a big ribbon, and automatically qualifying for the regional meet (the best prize: it meant I got to take a day off of school). In high school gym, I vaguely recall some type of run training for a longer race. What I can’t forget though, was how those short spots of running made me feel. Strong, mainly. And clear-headed (and you should know that feeling ‘clear-headed’ as a teenage girl was a once in a blue moon occasion). But even then, I can recall the pain that I used to feel with every single pace. At that time, it was still tolerable. Enough to grit my teeth and keep moving. The price always ended up being paid at the end of my day, lying in bed awake at night as the pain intensified.

It hurts me now to think of how my pain was caused by something I loved more than anything else: my years as a competitive dancer. It’s pretty common in the ballet world to get your first pointe shoes at age 11. With proper medical consultation, some girls get them even earlier if their ankle bones and ligaments are considered to be developed enough. I would later learn in my case that 11 was far too young to have begun training to spend hours on the tips of my toes, and that both my anatomy and my training prevented me from safely dancing. For most of my teenage years I spent hours a week, every day, ripping into my ankles and knees with too little time for recovery. By the time I left dance, I was wearing knee and ankle braces for all physical activity, and even getting pain from my everyday walks. Those injuries kept me away from running for YEARS. I remember then that all I wanted to do was to run pain-free. I didn't care about speed or about gear or about distance. Running was the final boss to defeat - the impossible test of my limits. If I couldn’t do fouettés or hold arabesques anymore, then I needed to run. It was the only option left for me.

When I started training again this year it felt embarrassing to load up all my old running app data and see all my failed attempts at getting back into running over the years. Every pre-existing run cycle would start with me trying to run 1k on day 1. And then 1.5k the next day. And then I would try to run 5k on day 3, in some sad attempt to feel like I was a real runner. Every single note I made on every run was something along on the lines of “very painful. had to stop. felt like knees were exploding.” Over the last half decade it’s just been cycle after cycle of going too hard too fast and crashing and burning. The most common advice new runners get is to go slow. Now, for the first time in my life, I took the advice. I quite literally got back into running by running for one minute on my first day. Then walking 2 minutes. Then running for one minute. Repeat x5. Then go home. Every day I added more. And then suddenly, I found myself in a corral of runners, about to cross a starting line.

Race day in itself just felt like a big celebration. For me, it was a celebration of good health - of knees and ankles healed enough to get me over a finish line pain-free ¹. This early on in my running journey, I barely think about my pace, I’m just thrilled to be able to run at all. It also felt completely unlike any of the toxic competitive atmospheres I grew up in. I have never before participated in a sporting event where it felt like everyone was there for themselves, running their own journey while supporting others. Also, wearing a full face of makeup with rhinestone tights was optional and not a requirement (wahoo!). It is a remarkable thing in life to be surrounded with thousands of people all united, each of them simply with the goal of doing their best. I finished my race with the biggest smile on my face. I had done it. And immediately I wanted to do it again.

The day after my race I went to watch the marathon with L to get inspired. I watched the elite winners run through the finish line at just over 2 hours of running. Then I watched L’s brother run a sub-3hr marathon, which for those of you who have no idea what times and paces mean, is utterly fast and extremely impressive. I also saw so many friends and family over the moon with excitement for their runners. I saw moms running alongside their adult children, and parents pushing their kids in strollers and wheelchairs. I saw a woman with a shirt that said “I got a lobotomy at Toyotathon.” I saw two girls running alongside each other in the final 500m, wearing matching pink outfits and holding hands. I saw lots of people crying, for every possible reason. It all felt like something very special to be witnessing on a beautiful spring morning. Thousands of people participating in being human, in accomplishing, in taking part in a voluntary emotional and physical struggle in front of strangers. It feels insane, really. Why do this? Why do it publicly? I suppose at some point it’s a desire to be truly present in the world, experiencing life. Together.

next up…

In an effort to not jinx myself, I’m not telling you what my next goals are until I’ve already done them. The only thing I’ll say is that I have signed up for another (longer) race! I will write about that one once it is said and done.

My race day was made infinitely better by my adoring fans. Thank you to L + D for giving me energy in that last kilometre and for getting me chocolate Coolish. Thank you to my lovely parents - who have never missed a game or a performance, so obviously they were not going to miss a race. Thanks to all the pals who gave me words of encouragement (there are many of you). And thank you to the many many people who work hard all year to pull off a very well organized race.

So now that my first running goal is completed I have retired my 10 year old running shoes, the very same ones I bought for grade 9 gym. They made my feel fall asleep every time I wore them, but they were RELIABLE. It feels perfectly symbolic that the last time I will ever have used them was to run this race. Goodbye shoes! Time to get something that will be a bit healthier for my feet.

More running updates to follow. If I see you irl I’ll probably talk about running. Maybe you’ll come run with me?

love n hugs,

(speedy) sam

other things

I wrote this whole thing while listening to n10.as which is my new favourite web radio station. Check it out!!! Canada-based!! Lots of goodness and weirdness. The “Squat presents: No Weights” show is very fire.

p.s. made a few website updates and planning to make more soon. I’m dropping a recipes page (finally). Maybe you will learn how to make my enchiladas verdes. stay tuned...